Can Gendered Words Be Used in an Ungendered Way?

I’ve thought about this topic for quite a while, and after attending the Fireside Chat with Karen Yin and the LGBTQ+ Editors Association, I decided to finally write this blog post. Yin talked about the importance of being open to new ideas when it comes to conscious language, and I think this topic relates to that idea quite well.

So, my idea for this blog post started with the idea of gendered language, something that permeates most cultures around the world, and how there’s been a push to implement ungendered, or gender-neutral language, to be more inclusive. I want to be clear that I am, in no way, advocating against gender-neutral language. It’s an important part of unbiased language, and I strive to implement it in both my professional and everyday life.

However, I wondered about instances where gender-neutral language is currently not sufficient in conveying some ideas that are conveyed in some examples of gendered language. What should we do when this happens? Should we invent new, gender-neutral terms to encompass similar meanings? Or, can we use gendered words in an ungendered way? I think both of these options have merit, but I’d like to explore the latter in this post.

First, let’s look at a couple examples of gendered words that don’t seem to have a gender-neutral equivalent capable of conveying all the connotations the gendered term has. The two terms that immediately came to mind for me were “sisterhood” and “brotherhood.” You certainly have the option to use “siblinghood,” but I would argue that “sisterhood” and “brotherhood” not only have different connotations than the gender-neutral alternative, but there are also different connotations between the two gendered terms as well.

As someone who grew up in a military family, I typically associate “brotherhood” with the military, but I don’t think it can only be used in that context. My father, who served in the Army, and I discussed this topic, and I asked him, “Did you feel a sense of brotherhood with the women you served with?” His answer was “absolutely.” In this sense, “brotherhood” has nothing to do with gender, even though it is technically a gendered word. It’s meaning goes far beyond gender, and it encapsulates the idea of bonding with another person by having gone through similar, often intense, experiences together. So, I would argue that people with any gender identity can feel a sense of brotherhood with anyone.

Similarly, I was in a sorority in college. One of our values is sisterhood, and as an only child, I learned a lot about the concept during my collegiate years. To me, sisterhood conveys the idea of bonding with someone by seeing who they truly are and loving them because of that. I am very proud to be a sister of one of the first sororities to openly accept genderqueer members, and that is partially why I think “sisterhood” can be used in an ungendered way. I feel a sense of sisterhood with my siblings in Delta Phi Epsilon in the same way I feel it with my sisters of DPhiE.

I know this blog post only scratches the surface of a very complex and deep topic, but I hope it generates conversations about how we can use gendered language in a more inclusive way. I hope it challenges you to see things in a way you maybe haven’t thought about before. However, I want to end with emphasizing that, above all else, it is more important to use language each individual prefers. I do not think it is right to force these gendered terms upon people, but I hope that maybe one day they will lose their associations with gender or we will invent similar gender-neutral terms that still encompass the depth of their meanings.